I was wondering through your research if you found a significant difference in people from different cultures when it comes to relationships? As in their values and the way they see how relationships should be. I'm particularly interested in people who have been in North America for a long time and grew up with the culture that their parents/grandparents came here with and any other relevant info would be appreciated.
Thanks for your time and expertise!
Hello!
Actually, what I've found is that people all over the world in different cultures actually have the SAME values, wants, desires, needs - and go about getting them in very similar ways.
When I wrote my first book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" I wasn't sure how it would translate in different parts of the world. What I discovered was that the principles apply regardless of where the reader lives or is from. We have readers in 72 different countries, and constantly get feedback from them about just how well the principles apply.
Honestly, I was rather surprised when I discovered this!
I will say however that while the foundations are the same and even the way people are wired are the same, we often use cultural bias as a way to reach our goals and this can differ. One of the best examples I've come across is in the letters I receive from India. I suspect this is due to the impact of "Bollywood" however.
If you watch movies that come from the Indian entertainment industry, they are very flowery and symbolic. Likewise, many of the letters I'm getting from men and women in this culture take an equally flowery and symbolic approach to love and relationships. This is especially challenging since these people want an equally symbolic way to handle their issues.
This, by the way is another important part of the puzzle. Our media have a lot to do with many of our biases; sometimes far more than we want to believe.
Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can write to me by going to: http://beingaman.com/ask_question.asp for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's Worldtm" (volumes I and II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
Copyright (c) 2007, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
Asking a Guy Out
Hi Dennis,
I'm a single gal who (despite being very attractive) has not been on a date with a man in a year. I have exchanged numbers with several men during that time but none seem interested (mainly they were dating another girl already so I keep missing my chance.) I keep a very friendly, confident, positive attitude about life.
I went to the grocery store and ended up meeting this amazing guy in the sugar/pancake aisle. Tall, handsome, smart, nice personality...he seemed really cool. I came up behind him and started talking to him. He told me he was looking up the ingredients to make a certain drink. So we chatted a bit, turns out he is from London (great accent!) and is in the States in my city for about a year. He has a master's degree and is tutoring little kids.
We started talking and I told him I was a grad student getting my doctorate so I'd be here for about a year too. He said it was his first couple days in the states and we chatted for a while before both of us had to go. He asked for my number and said he would give me a call.
At the end, he said "it's always nice to meet new people since I came to a new country. It's always great to make a new friend."
Oh no! Am I in the friend zone? Or is he interested in me romantically?
Thanks!
Hello!
Being "very attractive"??? Says you! ;)
First off, when someone is dating someone else, that's not a good excuse for you to not be dating them. It's a *convenient* excuse, but not a good one! If you're the better fit for tht person, almost everyone - man or woman - will "trade up". Thus, it's your job to sell your benefits right from the start.
On the other hand at least you're getting some play - meeting and talking to guys. I just hope you got the Brit's number too.
I don't know if he is or is not interested in you as a friend. He DID get your number and that speaks volumes; however, since he's new in town he's also trying to expand his social network. The good news is this: it's not entirely up to him - you have a say in all of this too.
I'm somewhat disheartened to hear that you and he are from out of the country however. That dictates that you already have an instant barrier a year away which can put a damper on much of your dating/relationship activity.
There are two aspects to his "friend" comment:
1) The term can mean anything. You don't know specifically what he meant; but frankly, it doesn't matter that much anyway. Let's say that he only sees you as a friend. Fine. He's not going to be a lonely island while he's here and if you and he pal up; you're going to have access to his contacts along with your own, thus expanding your market! You and he can even meet others together. You help him, he helps you, etc.
2) On the other hand, that might be his way of keeping you slightly off balance. This is exactly what I teach my students to do! If you don't know that he's interested, you're going to do different things to raise his interest than if you think he is! Do you see how this works?
The bottom line is this: go find out! Don't wait around forever for him to call you. If you don't hear from him in a few days, why not call him up and invite him out to sample some of the city that you've discovered? He'll appreciate the offer, trust me. Then, you'll learn much more about the potential.
Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can write to me by going to: http://beingaman.com/ask_question.asp for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's Worldtm" (volumes I and II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.
